Greedy Gus

Something absolutely hilarious that I wrote. The assignment was to write a Greek myth. Here’s what I did:

Gusjeu, Gus for short, was the god of greed, gravity, food, and worms. He was not very popular among the Olympians because he had a tendency to be the greedy party-crasher-person. Anything he wished would become full of worms, and no one wanted to eat cake with worms and worm holes in it. So, Greedy Gus would eat it all. To top things off, floating (or flying) objects (or people) would land with an oof on the ground at his command.

One day, Greedy Gus was feeling even greedier than usual. Most of the gods and goddesses were far more powerful than he, but not the mortal fish. See, Greedy Gus loved all food, but fish was his favourite. “Today I will eat all the fish in the sea! All of them, to the very last shrimp!” (Greedy Gus hated using his brain more than he absolutely had to, so he could not tell the difference between fish and shrimp.)

So he found an ultra-modern hover speedboat, picked the lock, and hovered to the middle of the ocean. There, using his infinite supply of worms, he set baits to every side of his ship. Sure enough, the fish bit. Sardines, salmon, tuna, mackerel, mahi mahi, puffer fish, whales, sharks, and even the rare and elusive Humuhumunukunukuapuaa. And Greedy Gus ate them all.

One lucky shrimp however, fell back into the water. Smart Shrimpy swam to every last corner of the Ocean, and warned the fish of the Treason of Greedy Gus. The news spread fast, and finally, it reached Poseidon, god of the sea.

Meanwhile, the fish stopped biting for Greedy Gus. “At last, I have eaten every last shrimp in the sea!” he cackled evilly, and hover-sailed home. But Poseidon could not let something of this importance go just like that. As Greedy Gus hovered towards the harbor he stole the ship from, he heard a massive crash ahead of him. There stood Poseidon, trident in hand, with a vengeful look on his face.

“You have eaten my fish! For such a deed you shall be punished!” he thundered.

“Oh crap, better get outta here, this guy means business–”

“From this moment onward, your place is in the sky. You will get what you deserve, wimpy worm. Anything, even light will be trapped by your gravity, and you will become the wormhole you are.”

All wormholes and black holes originate from Greedy Gus. Just don’t make Poseidon mad, okay?